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Happy 2010! I finally got a better photo of the painting in progress — if you’d like to see higher res images, click here (opens a separate page).

I made some small progress over the holidays, not much. I worked on the self-portrait section, and the homeless man. I feel like it’s slowly creeping toward completion. This is often the phase where I slow down — the closer it gets to the end, the harder it is to keep going. It’s like those nightmares where you walk down a hallway but the end keeps stretching farther away. I hesitate more, lose myself in doubt. The painting is just so … specific. It’s no longer a sketch that’s filled with potential. It’s congealing into the final product that I’ll have to live with. Like a child growing up, I can’t make any more changes once it’s done; and I’m not sure I made all the right choices.

Well, there’s still a lot to be done. So I’ll keep on painting …

Happy 1st day of winter everyone … here’s another progress photo. I’ve been working on the upper left corner and my self-portrait in the middle. More names are appearing, but they’re still very subtle. I’ve resolved to find time over the holidays to lug the canvas outside to get a proper photo — assuming we get sun again soon!

It might seem odd for a secularist to paint angels, but I’ve always been fascinated with that enticing iconic figure. In fact, I must admit, I’ve seen one.

I was blessed with an active imagination as a child, and to me, the world was alive with spirits and creatures. The trees and rocks were conscious entities. The sky had thoughts and feelings. Even my blankets had personalities: I had to kiss each of them an equal number of times so none of them would be hurt.

So I never felt truly alone. And on one night in 1984, when I was close to death (or so I felt, although that’s another story), I wasn’t surprised to see a woman filled with light. She stood at the door, watching me. At first I thought she was a nurse. I was lying in a hospital bed, and I couldn’t think of anyone else who would be visiting me at that late hour. But she got brighter, and her features blurred, and then without talking, she communicated such warmth and love to me, I felt that everything was going to be okay. I suppose some might say it was an angel. I’ve sometimes wondered if it was me, traveling backwards in time, visiting my young self to let her know she had a great life ahead. Whatever the explanation, it was a powerful experience — one I’ve never forgotten.

And it informs my paintings to this day. It’s the main reason I paint mythical, archetypal beings. I’m searching for that connection. And I always find some version of it when I paint. A feeling comes through me with a dramatic whoosh, and I cry, then I spend the next few hours painting in a kind of trance. It’s the closest I come to believing in some divine force.

So now you know why there’s an angel in this painting. Next time I’ll explain why my angels are transgender. Now there’s another story!

One last note — here’s the reference I used for the color palette and title — and the general feeling of drama. It’s called “Apotheosis of the Slavs” by Alphonse Mucha. Happy Holidays everyone!

I’m almost done with the angel — the face and pose finally came through. I feel like I’ve birthed a new being! Now that the figure more defined, I’m going to go back in and “mess up” some edges to make it more dynamic. I want this piece to be a combination of realism and expressionism; some parts will focus forward into representational imagery, others will dissolve into movement and energy.

I’ve also started painting in names. If you look closely at the feathers, you might see letters carved into the paint. One of these days, I’m going to haul the canvas outside so I can take a better photograph.

When I’ve finally completed this, I’ll have to throw a party so everyone can see it in person and look for their names. And for the out-of-towners, I’ll just have to post better pictures!

I’ve made good progress recently, even though it seems like I’ll never get this done. Someone asked me how much longer it will take, and I couldn’t answer. Most oil paintings take me 30-50 hours total, but that’s for an average image size of 22″ X 28″. I just hope I finish this by the end of the year, since I titled it “Apotheosis 2009″! Plus I’d love to do one of these every year, if I can stand to have my studio eternally monopolized by such a big painting. Maybe it’s time to dream up a bigger studio!

I started painting names into the background, and it just didn’t look right. Then I remembered an image I saw in the American History Museum in Washington D.C. this summer, and suddenly I knew exactly how I want to incorporate the names. I want to paint them into shapes, kind of like this image by Armand Monjo (I can see them etched like calligraphy into the angel wings, or the cat tails, etc.):

This photograph is a little dark but it shows progress. I started to build up the paint layers around the bottom right and the area below the angel. When I paint, I let go and let my Muse direct the effort, so I don’t always know what will happen. In this case, I wasn’t quite happy with the little dark figure that appeared below the angel’s legs — but I know to sit with the discomfort and see if it tells me what to do next. I may end up toning down that little figure, but for now it’s just floating there, waiting to mean something.

And by the way, I painted the first names in — I carved it into the paint layer. You can’t see it yet because I still have to fill the grooves with color so the letters stand out. Next time.

(If you’d like to have your name painted into the image, click here.)

Finally, I couldn’t resist going to color! It just popped right out. I covered the whole canvas in about two hours. This is just the first layer, I still have a lot of work to do — but this is the fun part! Okay, it’s all fun.

Oh, and I have a title: “Apotheosis 2009″. Do any of you art history buffs know what piece inspired the title and the color palette?

If you want to join the other sponsors of this piece and have your name painted in to the background, click here.

This is the last layer in greys and blacks — now that all the shapes main figures (including kitties) are blocked in, I can add color and detail. The finished surface is gradually forming in my visual mind. I can’t wait to start painting in color.

Finally, a new progress photo — my work on the self-portrait part of the painting was stalled when one of our kitties ran away. I couldn’t bear to paint while I was worrying about him. After nine days, I finally found him underneath a neighbor’s house, starving and scared. His tail was broken (probably an animal bite) and had to be amputated, but he’s back home and safe. 

“Grey Baby” after his operation. Now I can get back to painting the self-portrait with cats. One of them will just be tail-less.

I’ve only worked on the right side of the painting — the angel and the homeless man. This is the phase where I push past the fragile, pretty beginning and dig deeper to bring out the energy of the characters. I have to let go of my fear of messing it up, and trust that the image will evolve as it’s meant to.

Your comments and responses have been so wonderful! Please feel free to post a comment on the website so others can read it.

Here’s a closeup of the angel in progress: